Have you ever lived with the feeling that any minute now they will figure it out? Figure out that you aren’t worthy or deserving. That some weird quirk of fate, dumb luck or a mistake on their part bought you here. That despite some vague signs of competence, it’s clear you will soon be discovered for the blatant fraud you obviously are. Me too. Even Michelle Obama opened up about Imposter Syndrome with feminist author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. ’It never goes away,’ she told the writer. In fact, women all over the world have admitted to feeling the gentle hum of Imposter Syndrome’ at some point in their lives. But what if, Imposter Syndrome is a gift rather than a curse?
Before you close this tab and vow never to read my opinions again, give this a moment’s thought. Imposter Syndrome is the reason women are proven to have a more pro-active approach to learning. It is why study after study shows we handle the stress of job interviews better. Imposter Syndrome is why we take less risks and why women’s investment returns wildly outperform men’s.
Imposter Syndrome is a miraculous self-checking mechanism that delivers excellence. It means we prepare. We question. We delve deeper and wider into problems than anyone else. And here’s the other thing Imposter syndrome bestows upon us: it is an internal control valve which alerts to when we are in our discomfort zone.
Of course there’s a lot of bad stuff that comes with Imposter Syndrome too- the panic, the point where self-questioning becomes self-doubt, that chocking feeling when you’re asked a question and your mind blanks out. Whilst I have learnt you might not be able to get rid of your imposter completely, you can trick it into showing up less.
Prepare your body for battle: Sometimes the best way to fool yourself is from the outside in. Body language – yup, head up, shoulders back, look them in the eye – does a lot more than just make you look more confident than you might feel. A study by researchers from Columbia and Harvard Universities showed that powerful body language can actually affect our decision-making, subconsciously. Powerful, expansive poses not only make us feel more powerful and in control, but they can also alter our hormone levels – decreasing cortisol (the stress hormone) and increasing testosterone (confidence booster). Amy Cuddy did a famous TED Talk all about it you can watch here.
Invite it in for tea: Tara Brach’s article about Buddha and the demon Mara discusses how Mara (‘the evil one’) is always bothering Buddha but instead of ignoring him or driving him away, Buddha instead acknowledges his presence and invites him in for tea. This is how we should treat all the weird, scary, unpredictable and unwelcome stuff that will invariably come our way. Most of our fears won’t kill us. By acknowledging our imposter and facing our fears of inadequacy head-on, we will eventually become better equipped to call BS when those familiar doubt fairies come calling.
Change the negative chat into positive chat: A common side-effect of imposter syndrome is self-sabotage. So, now not only are you spending your day riddled in self-doubt, you are now actively finding ways to ensure that you stuff up (presumably so you can then say – ‘I told you so!’ – to yourself!) One way we do this is with the incessant negative self-talk (‘there is no way you are going to pull this off’). Most of us are pretty well-practiced at mentally beating ourselves up, so change it. Be kinder to yourself. And don’t worry – you don’t need to go around spouting positive affirmations. Start with baby steps (instead of ‘I can’t do this’ remind yourself ‘I’m still learning’, instead of ‘I have failed’ think ‘I can improve’).
Empathize with the imposter: There is nothing wrong with feelings of self-doubt. It’s normal to feel unsure when you are doing something new. The problem is we don’t typically reveal those doubts to other people – and they don’t typically reveal theirs to us. So, we start to assume we must be the only one suffering, when in fact we are in good company. Piles of celebrities, from Tom Hanks to Tina Fey, have admitted to having fraudulent fears and I have no doubt if you asked your own circle of friends, you’d hear similar stories of self-doubt. One side effect of the pandemic is all this working-from-home business has meant we have had less people around us to exchange fears and anxieties.
Re-package it: Next time you are heading to a scary interview or are about to stand up in front of a bunch of people (who are for sure going to spot how completely unqualified you are) tell yourself you aren’t nervous – you’re excited. Farrah Storr, the author of ‘The Discomfort Zone’, explains how changing your name for it can make such a big difference. “Studies show that by relabeling stressful situations as ‘challenging’ as opposed to ‘terrifying’ dampens down the hormones that activate the part of your brain responsible for fear. What’s more, your body prepares for the challenge by dilating your blood vessels and lungs, which means you’re getting more oxygen into your lungs. The result: you can make sharper and quicker decisions.”
Next time the imposter strikes, take a second, breathe and remember its normal and you can use it for good.
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